Upside down and inside out

Life has been something of a roller coaster around here for the last eight months or so, there have been all sorts of ups and downs. Much of this is stuff that it just doesn't feel right to post about on here, heavens some of it is stuff that it doesn't even feel right to say out loud.

Mostly I just roll with it, up and down, I take it as it comes and I thank my lucky stars that I have so many tools in my metaphorical bag to soothe and calm me. Knitting, baking, sewing, photographing and blogging - these are my tools, my kit bag of sanity. These are the things that stop me from chewing my nails and pulling my hair, the things that make me stop for a moment and centre myself.

One of our dips came just before Christmas when The Technical Advisor was made redundant and in the last few months that dip has been a difficult one to ride. In the past he has always found work so easily but things are very different now and as one month began to follow another we began to feel more and more pulled down into this dip. Thankfully he has now found another job and I am so happy and so very proud of him but things will still be hard for a while. This new job is over 300 miles away and for the next few months we must live apart and he will come home every two weeks.

For the last week my stomach has been flipping and churning, such a feeling of unsettledness, such a feeling of chaos. I packed him off today and now I must take some deep breaths and centre because the children need me to be calm and solid and I know that we can do this and will do this and come out the other side. I just wish that I knew where the other side will take us!

I am sewing with linen, surely the calmest of fabrics, gentle, neutral woven threads. Cutting, piecing, pining, sewing. Concentrating on this moment now, blinkering my thoughts, slowing down and breathing.

At least my angst is making me productive. There is something of a baby boom going on around here at the moment and I made these little reversible trousers for a boy to be. I am rather pleased with them but anxious on the sizing, I am seriously considering taking them into the nearest branch of Mothercare so that I can compare the sizes, I wonder if I will be thrown out? Perhaps I should take my camera and document the experience for the blog!


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